pine: picture of big pine tree in California vineyard (Default)
[personal profile] pine
What do you do after a flaming row? An intemperate remark (or 10)? When the bitter anger of a wank dies down, there is occasionally a fleeting wish that some of it could be unsaid, or at least that you could apologize and agree to move on. Or sometimes, there are things you didn't do - the "sins of omission" - and you wish you could say what you didn't say, and explain why, and apologize, and move on.

quinfirefrorefiddle on Dreamwidth came up with one interesting solution:

[info - community] meaculpa

Because if we don't move on... we're stuck. Not changing, staying the same, is being stuck, too.

In the aftermath of every fail there are some who wonder, Is fandom getting wankier all the time? What happens when you follow the Geek Social Fallacies too assiduously (or your whole flist seems to) and can no longer be "friends" with anyone who didn't totally agree, jump in on the "right" side, join the drama, care deeply, get the point?

Eventually the only friends you dare have are those who (a) don't talk, (b) don't talk publicly, or (c) are newbies. The friends who don't talk - well, hello? They're gone. The ones who no longer talk online - why stay, then? We're gone. As for those newbies, they will soon go through the same trial-by-fail, resulting in most of *them* becoming polarized or silenced or silencing or walking away from fandom... do the math. It's a never-ending turmoil with smaller and smaller circles of trust, and larger and larger circles of former friends and lifelong enemies.

Woah. This is not my shiny fandom! This is not the online community we say we want! Instead, it's a steadily shrinking space of love and trust and diversity, of civil discourse. It's ever less of the squee, and teh shiny, not to mention my beloved meta. Yes, it's good that fandom becomes ever more aware of important issues - but not if it becomes ever less willing to just *talk*, and resolve them, and move on with an increase in both awareness *and* community. Because dude, regardless of how right the path is, if it goes into the big empty desert without that loaf of bread, jug of wine, and especially *thou* - the rest of the community - it's a lonely, empty place.

Sure, there's that whole "different drummer" shtick, taking "the less travelled path". But there's also the old "No woman is an island." It reminds us "for whom the bell tolls": it's for *us*. That death knell always, in some way, signals a loss from our community. Because hey, we are social animals, and if we can't take care of each other? We die a little inside. Sometimes social animals, cut off from healthy community, just die.

This web 2.0, this fandom, our shiny jewel in the online sea, this splintered isle - it's no good if we can't learn how to get along.

Sometimes, you want to say you're sorry for your actions or inactions, for words spoken or unspoken, information divulged or topics shied away from. This can be regardless of whether the others involved are interested in dialogue or forgiveness. Sometimes, *you* need to make an apology for your karma or serenity, your self-respect or sense of closure or whatever.



This was received from quinfirefrorefiddle on Dreamwidth.

The message is: New comm for fandom- [info - community] meaculpa

Hi. This is a shameless comm plug- sorry about that.

I've become concerned that fandom doesn't offer much of a chance to ask and receive forgiveness, but does offer plenty of chances for anger and argument. In an attempt to turn that around a bit, I've started a new comm here on Dreamwidth, called [community profile] meaculpa. It's a place for online apologies, particularly intended for fandom but available to anybody.

I follow your journal because I like the way you write, but as you've also been around for awhile, you know a bunch of people online. If you think this could help someone, please let them know.

Thanks, I won't take up any more of your time.
-Quin Firefrorefiddle

Wow.

COOL. I mean, I'm rushing to get on the road out of town, but I can think of a couple apologies I'd like to make publicly, y'know? And if those I am apologizing to are agreeable to accepting them or discussing or whatever, that's great. If not, that will also be okay. Because owning my feelings in public is like having my journal - not always very pretty, but I keep trying!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-05 08:17 pm (UTC)
blnchflr: Captain America Civil War (Default)
From: [personal profile] blnchflr
I'm very cynical about how it's going to turn out with such a comm - but if I'm proven wrong, it'll be a good thing :o)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-05 08:49 pm (UTC)
quinfirefrorefiddle: Sophie from Leverage, in black and white, looking over her shoulder. (Default)
From: [personal profile] quinfirefrorefiddle
Thanks for the plug! I just hope it can help- even if it's just bringing the concept of forgiveness up in fandom at all.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-10-05 10:37 pm (UTC)
schemingreader: (Default)
From: [personal profile] schemingreader
You're assuming that everyone is rational and everyone shares the same understanding of each other's motivations. I don't think that's a safe assumption.

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pine: picture of big pine tree in California vineyard (Default)
pine

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